hearttrap.livejournal.com

Our 5 days regime starts today. Damn the NS!

I have no idea how to react. Truth is, Im still afraid of giving the pieces of myself to someone else.

My heart is ugly, but it could still be yours.

Of Daytona & Neoprints,

I just had the most awesome day with the colleagues. Plus, you were there too. Thank you for being so awesome!

Original Sin,

Its awesome that we are taking this really slowly. No pressure, remember?

:)

Because I never thought I would ever fall for you. But I did.

Missing years,

Hello, just so you know Im still alive and kicking! My life now revolves with work and sleep, and an empty heart. Okay Goodbye!

Gone.

For the first time, I've confide my sorrows with Farhan. And for the first time, I'm listening to him. He actually makes a whole lot of sense.

So Goodbye you, I hope I won't return.

xx,

I don't know if you're reading this, but if you are, I just wanna tell you that I miss you badly :'(

The real world,

Suddenly I'm feeling so sucky. But oh wells, I think I should just sleep it in. Furthermore its my first day of work tomorrow! :')

FML

Today was supposed to be our second month and today, I failed my Btt.

A JOB FINALLY!!!!

RE: Application for the Post of Hospitality Officer

From:	(Kiranjit_Kaur_SEKHON@nhb.gov.sg)
Sent:	02 February 2010 11: 12AM
To:	Ismawaty Dewi (ismawatydewi@hotmail.com)

Hi

I wanted to let you know that you have been shortlisted for the position. Our HQ will be in touch once they have made the necessary checks.

Regards,

Kiran

Since you been Gone,

The first time we chatted, its like we connected with one another. It seems like we've a lot to talk about. I thought you were like all the other boys, and I told myself not to fall for you. But after our third date, I found myself falling for you. I didn't expect the Ikea trip could changed how I feel about you. The way you took the napkin to wipe the tomato sauces off my face, I was really impressed with that. Noone had ever showed so much concern towards me. From that day onwards, I knew you were worth my time.

And as days passed by, I saw myself being with you. Its not about how many kisses you gave me, its not about the places we went to, but its just about me being able to be myself whenever I'm around you and its just about how I have butterflies in my stomach each time I see your face.

Its been a month since you've been gone. But I don't see myself moving away from any thoughts of you.

Fat but happy,

Yes, I am having the time of my life right now. But at the same time, I always end my day with so much worries up on my butt. Its coming to a month and Im still jobless? Maybe I am too fussy but why get a job which you don't quite fancy? Its 6 months we are talking here, and those who know me also know that I am not a workaholic! Never one and will not be one. Haha!

Other than that, everything pretty cool. Minus the fact that, I've been eating a lot and am massively gaining weight?

I wish,

I found this in my hp. It was saved as 'love'. If only I have a time-machine. Just look at how happy we were?

Boys think that we're sucha toys,

If you're attached/engaged, then just stick to that. You don't go around asking for number and pretend that you're single. Asshole!

18th.

Only after Wani browsed through all the files in my handphone that I realised that I still have countless number of his text messages, pictures and silly videos in it.

I cannot deny this, but sometimes I still wish for him. And that's when it all start to fall apart :(

The end,

I have so much things to say but I guess you're just not worth it anymore. I'm done trying to be the 'Nice-and-forgiving' sort of person. It looks like its not doing me any good.

I think you should spare a few minutes to do a self-reflect on yourself. I didn't expect you to be this selfish, always thinking about your own feelings and ego.

I quit from all these drama. I shouldn't have love you, I shouldn't have. I'm letting you go and I hope I won't come back.

Just like the old times,

When I thought things could get worse, Bestfriend miracle-ly appeared and offered to come over to Jurong to meet me!

Thank you Hafiz, for at least remembering that this bestfriend of yours still exist!


@ 0753pm

Its nice to know that even after 2 years, Hafiz is still the best boy friend to talk to. Thank you for knocking some sense into me.

Oh please be nice!

So I have an interview with St James Powerstation next Friday. I am so excited because its under Events & Marketing! I don't mind them paying me low, I mean at least I am doing something that interests me. I can't wait for Friday already. Good luck to me then?


& Yup, I'm doing good. Still alive and kicking. Lonely sometimes but I'll adapt to it. Oh wells, just in case you're wondering of course!

I didn't expect you to be so emotionless. I've put all my heart and soul into that post and all you could say was a :) ?

Sweet!

Right from my heart,

So its a brand new year and we are over. It isnt nice not to spend the last day of the year with the person you thought you would. I thought it was easy, but I was wrong. This afternoon, i lay on my bed and I just cried. I dont know why I actually cried. Was is because I was lonely or was it because I was missing you so badly? I reckon its the second one.

I have so much to say to you but I don't think I am able to say everything out when I see you. Im sure I will just break down and cry the next time I see you. Yeah, I am that fragile. So this is the only way I think I can free my mind and to let you know of how I've been feeling.

I really think that you are a nice person. Its really amazing how you can make me feel all secure and how you can actually opened my heart. Like you said, being loved and appreciated is just one of the best feelings anyone could have. But when your temper takes over your emotion, you become a different person. I am really scared of you when you are that person. And I didn't said that you didn't try, maybe you did. But maybe too, you didn't try hard enough. If you have tried, you wouldn't have left the person you claim to love in town just like that. Instead you would have manage and control yourself and not vent your anger to the people around you. That was plain selfish, you only care about your feelings & ego. You were ignorant of my feelings.

In a relationship, I think it takes two hands to clap. I'm not blaming you, because I think I am partly to blame too. Maybe for once, I should have try to be in your shoes. But Sehaimi, I've tried. Its just that you didn't allowed me to. Every single day when I was with you, I was waiting patiently for you to tell me of your past. I didn't want to hear it from anybody else but you. At the same time, I know it was hard when people around you kept reminding you of your past, but havent you heard, what never breaks you only makes you stronger? I wanted you to trust me. I wanted to try to be in your position. All I wanted was to be the person who would still be there for you despite knowing your dark side. I was prepared for doing so, if you thought I wasn't then I wouldn't have got involved with you in the first place. But you didn't let me in.

And I know we've been fighting alot. I don't know why but I'm not gonna use the 'I think we are not meant to be together' theory as an excuse. Simply because I don't believe in such thing. I believe in a thing called effort. Maybe we didn't try enough. You think so? Or maybe, I was always trying to convince you that we'll do okay that I tend to forget what the real problem was.
Its really hard when I have to be one always trying to convince you that we'll pull this through.

Do you think it doesn't hurt when you told me that you felt that this wasn't going to work out? Do you think I don't feel shitty when people around me talk about you, in my face? Do you know how much effort I've put just to make sure that these people start to see the good side of you that I've seen right from the first day I've met you? And do you know how it feels like when I get remarks like "See, i told you so" or "Ah kan, padan muke kau" when all these people know that we are over. It hurts really bad to have this kind of remarks being point straight to your face. All of them thought that this was a mistake, that I've made a huge mistake. But I guess these people, they just don't understand how I felt. It was never a mistake.

Right from the start, I NEVER took Farhan's advise because I wanted you to prove yourself. And also because I thought you could give me that sense of happiness. Which of course you did.
I didn't regret for giving the both of us the chance to make this work, I think being with you was the best time of my 2009.

I am not lying but if I could have given a chance to be with you again, I would. I suppose in a way, relationship tend to be overstated or understated even. When we thought we get the gist of it, it sorts of run here and there. We cannot stop it but I guess we could prevent it.

I swear its hard to let you go, to be apart of you. I think I've grown attached to you. I miss you really bad and its hard to shake off this feelings. But I guess there's nothing that I can do. Maybe, I just have to pretend. Pretend that I am strong enough to go through this on my own. Its gonna take some time, but I'll do my best.

For now, I hope you will fix yourself. Fix the mess that is in your emotions. The confusions that is leading you on, fix that too. You will do alright, just trust yourself more. I know you can do it :) You should know where to find me if ever you need a listening ear or maybe at least a friend to hear you rant about your bad day at work. I'll be here.

Don't be a stranger okay Sehaimi?

We don't have to say goodbye,

I am disappointed that you left me in town just like that.
I am hurt when you said that maybe we are not meant to be together.
I am scared when your temper conquers away all your emotions.
I am tired of all this fights we have.

But I swear, I can never get tired of you. I miss you so much, and all I really want is a hug from you, assuring me that we'll do just okay.

Sigh,

When you said "I dont think I make a good boyfriend, you deserve someone better", I feel as though all the efforts that I've put in you was going down the drain. You dont realised how sucky you just made me feel.

I don't usually cry but my eyes are filled with tears right now. I can't go to sleep & all I can ever think of is you.

You must be something.

Im yours :)

<3‏

From:	Sehaimi Sezali (sehaimi.sezali@gmail.com)
Sent:	03 December 2009 00: 23AM
To:	my.skepticism@hotmail.com

heyy,
this might not be the best place to say this and ill just keep it
short and simple.
lately i have been falling head over heals for you. dont ask me why
because i totally have no clue.
because maybe its just you? plus you smell really awesome. (:
its been awhile since i felt this kinda way towards someone and i hope
there will be many happy days to come.
i shall not say "will you be my gf" because i believe were both too
old for that kinda stuff? but i do wanna be with you and make you
happy. (:
ill see you soon alright love! <33 

P.S you really do feel like home. (:

Feels like Sunshine,

I love how we are right now. Lets not mess this up, love :)

:(

I dont care about your past, i dont care about who you were last time, I dont care about how much shits you did in the past and most importantly, I dont fcuken care about what others might say about you.

I love the way you made me feel all secure. With you, I found happiness which I've been searching for such a long time. Eversince the last relationship I had, I cannot remember the last time I had this kind of feeling.

When you told me yesterday that this was not a good idea, i feel like everything around me just started to shut down. That wasnt something that i expected to hear from you. :(

I dont know what might happen next but i will stand by you, I promise.

Thats what you get when you let your heart win,

I think you are really sweet & i think, i think i might be falling head over heels for you.

It is said that, when God closes the door He will open the window. But how true is that?

Im not sure myself, but I think it just happened to me :) I don't if its for the better but somehow someways I hope this could bring me to something new!

Its a lil too early to judge but I think he might be the one. Hehe!